No sh@$!

My mom is full of good quotes today....

"Promise me you won't take any shit from anyone."

- My mom

My Mom The Diva

"Gotta go get my haircut. It's been looking like an afro lately."

- My mom

My Little Roomba

Meet my roomba:

My roomba, also known as Betty, likes to sniff things on the ground, in the elevator in my building, outside, etc. and as a result, tends to collect the findings on her nose. She often picks up dust bunnies, leaves from outside, and my personal favorite, a silver sequin which fell off one of my shirts; the later I like to refer to as "Betty's bling".

If you need to borrow my roomba to do a little house cleaning, let me know. Although she might take frequent cleaning breaks to play fetch.

Midget Bars

As we are nearing the end of our meat-head magazines project (hallelujah!), I would like to share with all of you the absolute, hands-down, best advertisement find yet (thanks to Eileen for seeking out this gem of an ad). I would like to introduce you to....Midget bars...

Unfortunately the text at the bottom was scanned a bit too small to read (and at this point of the day, I am way too lazy to go back and rescan this thing)...however, I am happy to recap part of the ad:

Obviously 3 is the magic number when it comes to making a name for yourself. With the original Midget now available in White Chocolate and Dark Chocolate coating, 3 Midgets can join Tom, Dick, and Harry, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, Hewey, Dewey, and Louie, Wynken, Blynken and Nod, and Kukla, Fran, and Ollie in forming their own holy trinity. 3 cheers to the 3 Midgets for the portion control trifecta.

Yep, this ad relates protein bars to the Holy Trinity. Somehow. THAT is fantastic advertising.

* sidenote: if anyone can tell me who Wynken, Blynken, Nod, and Kukla are, you get a free Midget bar in the flavor of your choice.

Pump It Up

"Pump like an Egyptian."

- Planet Muscle magazine

Barefoot in the office

Feel free to go barefoot. I'm going to shortly.

- anonymous co-worker in the middle of a spring cleaning project

Happy Ass

Another good ad...

Playing safe

Playing safe is probably the most unsafe thing in the world. You can not stand still. You must go forward.

- Robert Collier in Muscle & Fitness magazine

* why am I reading Muscle & Fitness magazine you ask? Research for work....I'm serious.

New do

Thanks, I had it done at that fabulous new salon downtown!

Quotes by Fadman - 5th ed.

* Phone rings...

Hello Heather? It's Fadi. How do I get back to Chicago? I'm on 94 West.

[banter back and forth]

Crap. I have to pee. It hurts.

Cotton Ball Disaster

Cotton ball disaster...

The suspect...

She pleads innocent.

Spring has sprung.

I love spring. It gives us hope for sunny days ahead.

Introducing...

Introducing the latest and greatest UKULELE singer....BECKY PLUTA! She is free to sing at any birthday, wedding, corporate event, Cubs rooftop party, etc.

She is truly one talented artist, and will surely liven up any party!

For sale!...by 5pm today

Apparently this person is eager to sell this car...

4 sale 1985 B M W $800 obo no c/c no shipping and no m/o. want gone by 5pm

Quote of the day

Stanley's

"I just really feel urban when I go there."

- Robyn, after recent trip to Stanley's

Spring Cleaning

I'm in the middle of cleaning out my cubicle, in an attempt to do a little spring cleaning, and get myself ready for our upcoming office construction. So far this is what I have found:

- a pair of socks

- $2.00 (jackpot!)

- a box of macaroni

- 2002 phone book

- lost umbrella

- an ostrich-feather duster

Stay tuned. I'm hoping to find a pot of gold in one of these drawers.

Movin' and Shakin'

Thanks to my good friend Robyn, I was reminded today of my moving experience back in '05.

Here's how it went...I was moving from my tiny Lincoln Park studio to Robyn's place up in Ravenswood. I decided to get movers in an effort to move my larger items, so I broke out the 'ol yellow pages and looked up the best movers I could find.

On the big moving day, Robyn came over to assist me with some packing (I admit it...I'm really bad at packing things up to move....I believe we were throwing things in plastic bags the day of). My movers show up; in walks one guy who looks like he came straight out of an 80's breakdancing video (high-tops and all), and another guy who was flat out drunk. My studio reeked of booze within 5 seconds of him being there. I immediately looked at Robyn and thought, these guys are seriously moving my belongings?! Wait...it gets better...

So the 2 guys say to me, "I hope you don't mind, but we brought along an extra guy." In walks a fairly over-weight, one-legged man/mover. No joke. They proceed to tell me that this guy is not mover #3, but rather the owner of the company. Ok. No big deal. Mover #3 then walks in shortly after, drunker than mover #2. This is going to be interesting.

Surprisingly enough, the 3 movers and the one-legged owner were able to get my items packed up and moved over to my new place. However, in the middle of the move, mover #3 grabbed a bottle of Kahlua off the fridge, took a swig, and said you don't mind, do ya?

All in a days work.

Good-bye winter...hello spring!

Well hello there spring.

Exceed Yourself

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. It's that simple. If you really want to grow beyond where you are, to change your habits, your body, your mind, and/or your life, you need to exceed yourself. To find the authentic you buried inside, you need to tread into new territory.

- Baron Baptiste

Flippin'

This is my cousin. If I tried doing this, I would end up flat on my face.

Happy April 1!